I was coming home from my eye appointment. It was dark and raining. There is a back exit to the parking lot and after weaving my way through holiday traffic I made it to the small cut through. It’s two lanes and not well lit. In the right lane, the lane I needed to be in, were three young men, probably about sixteen to eighteen years old. All three of them were dressed in black and they were walking down the lane taking up the space. I would have to cut all the way over into the left lane to pass by them, which is exactly what I did. I didn’t speed past them; I was just driving normally, trying to get home, when one of the boys jumped at my Jeep. He was probably showing off for his friends, but it shocked me terribly and my reaction was instant. I swerved away from the boy and my Jeep immediately fish-tailed. The boys (I’m sorry I can’t call them anything but that no matter how old they might have been), had to jump out of the way. For one instant, I’m sorry to say, there was a part of me that wanted to hit them. It would serve them right. Who would do something so stupid? Now it’s true, he didn’t actually touch my Jeep that I know of, but I felt instantly threatened. When I got home a few minutes later I was still deeply troubled both by the incident and my reaction to it.
I am not the type of person who wants to hit people with her Jeep, threatened or not, at least I didn’t think so. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around why someone would do that, especially given the conditions. Wet, dark, they are dressed in black and in the middle of the road, how dumb can you be? Then you jump at someone’s vehicle. That sounds like a good way to get hit or shot. I watched the boys walk away, thankfully unhurt but as I said I was unhinged by the event. Why had I reacted so badly? I realized for a moment, and keeping in mind this incident only took seconds, I felt a burst of rage. It was as though my survival was being threatened in some way and I reacted purely out of instinct. I didn’t like that reaction. I wish I could have remained calm and just kept driving, but I didn’t. I got angry, I got scared, and they nearly got hit.
It’s this type of default reacting that I’m working to eliminate in myself. I don’t want to be shooting from the hip, I want to be able to assess a situation and move through it without that type of reaction response. I know I have a long way to go, but I see incidents like these as stepping stones to help you become more aware of what you need to work on. I hope that someday I’ll be able to keep my calm and act rather than react to the situation.
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