Day Fifteen: Appreciate People as They Are

            Sometimes it’s difficult to see people as they are.  We can’t figure out why that man at work is always rude, or why the cashier has to tell us about her life story while checking out our groceries.  Often we form instant judgments about people who act outside of our perceived norm.  Even a group of people laughing can cause someone to look down on them or be rude.  Instead of making instant judgments it would be wonderful if we could all just take a deep breath and accept.  Perhaps that cashier doesn’t get to talk to anyone at home perhaps there is no one at home to talk to.  Taking a couple minutes out of your day to listen might prove beneficial to both of you.  That man at work may have suffered a loss in his family or maybe he is just a grumpy rude person.  The point is that once we accept these people as they are and stop fighting against them (and their personality quirks) life becomes much easier.

            I had a gentleman in one of my classes who was the grumpy guy.  He was an older gentleman, about sixty-five, and he had an opinion about everything.  This man was not gentle with his opinions either, he just threw them out there, not caring if it hurt someone’s feelings or not.  When it was my turn to share a story with the class, the first thing he said was that the opening paragraph was bullshit.  That was the word he used and believe me, my feelings were hurt.  The next couple of weeks were uncomfortable in class.  It was clear that I was hurt and it was clear that he didn’t care.  He would come into class and greet every person by name except me.  Then an idea hit me.  What if I just forgave him for being an ass, because that’s who he was?  He’s sixty-five and very set in his ways.  I could sit in class day after day feeling sorry for myself, but he was being rude to other people and they just moved on.  So one day I waited for him after class and told him that I appreciated his feedback.  Needless to say he looked shocked.  He said he thought he had been too harsh, but he was glad to hear that I wasn’t mad at him.  Everything cleared up after that day.  I’m not saying he turned nice, he was still a mean old guy, but I understood and accepted that was who he was.  Things got easier for me once I just accepted who he was and stopped pushing and struggling against it.  No I didn’t want him to be mean to me, and I certainly don’t condone him being cruel to people, but I do understand that there is something deeper behind it and I know from experience that once you take that deep breath and say okay I accept this is how you are life gets easier.  You’re the only one that can change the way you feel about someone.  If you feel angry because someone is mean to you, you’re only hurting yourself.  They might be able to sense that you are angry, but they either won’t care or can’t care (in some cases).  Changing your perspective helps you release that anger or whatever emotion you are struggling with.  It’s an ongoing process.  I know with the man in my English class I had to catch myself a few times and remind myself that, that is how he was and I didn’t need to react or judge it.  Accepting people as they are isn’t going to make your life perfect, but it will help release some of the tension and stress you have been struggling with and that is one step closer to relief.