Day Eighteen: Safety Net

            Today is my first day on my own at work.  My trainer has moved on, in fact she moved on late in the afternoon on Friday.  I was out doing the route and when I returned she was gone.  I knew that her and her husband were wanting to get on the road as they had a long drive ahead of them, I just didn’t want her to leave.  I wasn’t ready for her to leave.  I knew I was going to have questions that she wasn’t going to be there to answer.  I nearly cried when I came back to the office and realized that the office was now mine.  My responsibility, my job.  I was overwhelmed and I felt like throwing up. I managed to make it through the last hour of the day and I also managed to stick to my targets this weekend.  Every once in awhile the thought of Monday would well up in my mind up I gentle let it go.  I would deal with Monday on Monday.  Guess what, it’s Monday folks.  I’m nervous to say the least.  I know when I walk through that door this morning that there will be many responsibilities that I will need to fulfill.  Everyone has been kind in the Lab, especially my two bosses.  Both have told me that we will take it slow until I am more comfortable.  My one boss, who is also a good friend of mine, told it to me like this, “You are going to make mistakes.  It’s okay.  The important thing is that we catch the mistake, then correct and learn from the mistake.”  I realize no one in the office is going to be keeping a tally of my mistakes; it’s just hard to make mistakes.  I feel like there’s still so much I don’t know or at least that I don’t know well.  Some things we were only able to go over a couple of times since my first week was all half days.  I am constantly reminding myself to be gentle with myself.  After all this is my first day working without a net.