A Little Something New

Today I’m starting something new.  I’m making a goal to write every day.  It doesn’t have to be much, just a couple of lines or a paragraph or two, but I must write every day.  I haven’t posted on this blog since April, so I doubt too many people are going to notice if I start writing on here again and that’s fine by me.  Mostly because I’m afraid I’m going to fail in this goal.  I am going to try this new fangled concept of writing a little each day for thirty days.  It’s doesn’t matter what I write as long as I am writing.  So here’s what we will start with for today.
The past two days depression has been creeping up on me again.  I hate the way I feel when it starts to overwhelm me.  I don’t like sitting around moping, it’s just not my thing.  I look for ways to improve my situation like happy music or inspirational books, but I haven’t been having much success.  There are a lot of changes coming in my life and honestly some of them scare the crap out of me.  One major thing in my life is my writing or my lack thereof.  So that’s why I’m starting this experiment.  I’m a writer and I need to be writing.  Sometimes I wonder if my lack of writing is what causes some of the depression.  It’s the denial of my own creativity.  I don’t allow myself to write because I am afraid of my own potential.  I have several journals that I write in but one is my emergency journal.  It’s the one I write in when I’m sobbing uncontrollably and can’t seem to get a handle on life.  It’s the one where I talk to God/Spirit/the Universe whatever name you want to give it.  I realize I’m not the first person to have a conversation with God, but when I do sit down and give in to the experience I always come away with some measure of peace and the motivation to keep going one more day.  At the very least (and I would certainly not count this in the least category) I know that I am loved and loved unconditionally.