Day Ten: Not so Sure

       I have a feeling by the time this day is over I’ll have something that I wish I had posted for this morning.  I feel tired this morning and I considered holding off writing this until tonight, but I thought if I do that then I might not write it at all I don’t want to have to start over.  I think it would be awesome to end on the 31^st of December, so here I am writing.  Not writing very well mind you, since I feel like I have nothing to share yet today.  Today’s plan, hang out with friends, go to a crystal show, eat too much, drink too much, have a blast, come home and do the last of the homework I have to do.  Sounds like a fabulous day.  I hope each and every one of you has a fabulous day too!

Day Nine: Finding Silence

            Yesterday, I had an interesting experience that I thought I would share with you.  The gutter on the house we rent had partially fallen off and we just recently were able to get the landlord to repair it.  Unfortunately rain water had already rotted out the wood around our backdoor and the base plate for the door popped off, so we were unable to use the door.  The landlord sent the repairman out and he took a look and decided that the whole door needed to be replaced.  Okay, no problem.  Yesterday my husband calls me to let me know that the repairman should be coming in about twenty minutes.  I was still in bed so I got myself up.  Luckily, I did get up right away because literally two minutes later there was a knock on the door. 

            Normally, this would have thrown my whole day out of whack.  Just a few minutes after waking I have two repair guys in my house, tearing off trim and unscrewing hinges.  Hammers and drills right away in the morning is not the way I would choose to wake up.  I like to take my time, going into my meditation room and doing what I call my morning stuff.  I wish I had a better word for it than stuff but it’s a compilation of well, stuff.  I do affirmations, I write three pages in my journal, Reiki principles and then a morning meditation.  This is my sacred time.  I light incense and a candle and close the door to give myself this hour of personal time before starting my day.  Now that plan is being torn apart by these guys thundering around my house.  Or was it?  My husband made it home about fifteen minutes later and I felt this strong pull to go do my morning stuff despite all the noise.  So I told him where I was headed and went to my room.  

            I expected that I would be distracted but I wasn’t.  I worked my way slowly and carefully through my morning process and I didn’t feel disturbed at all.  I felt like I was in my own little bubble of silence, something that I had been building on each day that I took time for myself.  Instead of my morning being screwed up, I had a wonderful experience and I realized that no matter what was going on, on the outside, I can always find the silence on the inside.  It just takes a little practice.

Day Eight: In the Middle of the Night

Tell me that made you start singing.  That would make my day.  Why is it that our best ideas often come to us at night?  Personally, I think it’s because we finally relax enough and let go of control long enough for spirit to pop in and say hello.  All day long we are fighting with the current, but when we lay down to sleep we release the oars and relax into life.  I sometimes think that if we could live the way we sleep, meaning releasing the need to control and be relaxed, we would have fuller happier lives.  Think of all the unnecessary tension that we create for ourselves and if you really look at your busy life you realize you really did create it all.  Every little bit is self-created.  Realizing this gives you the choice to change it.  You can look at your life and begin to release that control and allow spirit to flow into your life instead of just trickling in when you fall asleep. 

Day Seven: The Courage of an Artist

            I had something really cool that I was going to talk about for today.  Thought of it while I was on my way to work. Now of course it’s gone, I forgot to write it down.  Classes are over, which is a relief to me.  Just one final exam next week and it will all be over.  I had one event that I had to attend last night, for my Fiction Workshop class.  I really didn’t want to go.  Not because I didn’t want to see the speaker, but because my brain felt like aliens were trying to eat it.  I don’t remember ever having a headache that bad.  I went to the event, head pounding and all, and to be very honest I’m glad I did.  The speaker was my Fiction Workshop professor (no he didn’t require us to go see him; it was just the one event that I could actually get to).  He was reading from his collection of short stories that had just been published.  The story he read was excellent, it captured me enough to forget about my aching head.  For a moment I could see myself on stage reading from my book.  I wanted to experience that moment of triumph.  My professor had told us to send a little email telling him that we had been at the reading and he would give us credit for the event.  I sent him one as soon as I got home thank him for being an inspiration.  I should have also added, “Thank you for having the courage to continue writing, even when it was hard, not knowing if you would be published, and for showing the writers in the audience that it can be done.”  I truly believe it takes a great amount of courage to create and maybe even more to put it out there for rejection or approval.  I think artists are some of the most courageous people I know.  Seeing my professor on stage gave me courage to keep writing.

Day Six: Scratch That

            Yesterday I was talking about not putting a negative status up on Facebook because when people read it the energy behind it is multiplied.  Yesterday morning went from bad to worse to frickn’ terrible in the matter of just a few hours.  I was able to pull myself out of it, but not before I posted my status on Facebook.  I put something along the lines of “I feel a primal scream coming on.”  So much for that idea.  Although I managed to turn my day around and I changed my status to something more positive this event made me realize how seductive drama can be.  We want to stew in it and share it; at least I know I did.  By posting my pain I wanted people to acknowledge me and tell me it’s going to be okay, even though I know it will be okay and that I’m the only one that can make that happen.  Once I changed my attitude I also changed my status because I realized I was just spreading the drama.  We all have drama (although the amount of drama varies) in our lives, we just need to be careful who we share it with and what our reasons and motivations behind sharing it.

Day Five: Multiplication

            I had an interesting thought that other day while I was scrolling through Facebook.  If you put something negative up for your status like, Today sucks, or I’m having a crappy day, you are just multiplying the energy behind that statement.  Sure people are going to post things about you having a better day but every time someone reads your status it reinforces the fact that you are (and will continue to have) a bad day.  I’m going to go ahead and say that if you are posting about needing healing or prayers, okay not a problem, because your focus is on fixing the problem.  I admit to posting a negative comment now and again, but after thinking about the energy that ends up behind these statements, I think I’d much rather post something positive.  Or like mama used to say, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Day Four: Transitions

There are only three days left of this semester and I am burning for them to be over.  I suppose that means I’m not in the now, but I think I can live with it.  Last night I sat down to write out the last paper I will have to write for my Brit Lit class.  I have one more paper to write for another class and then I’m finished.  The last week has been a transition period for me as I move out of school into work.  This week will continue that trend which is why I feel so antsy.  I feel I’m ready to be done, ready to move into the next stage of my life.  I realize that transition time is a good thing, but I’m so done with school.  I appreciate everything I’ve learned and that I had the opportunity to attend college.  This semester taught me all about crafting my writing, how to write with precision and how to look at my work with a more critical eye so I can catch some of the things that I do that I never noticed before.  I have one final exam this semester, again in Brit Lit and then I’ll be finished.  I feel my job right now is to settle myself and accept these last days of transition.  Once I get through them I’ll truly be ready to move forward.